27 is a good number I think.
Normally I only like prime numbers. My radio volume must be at 11, 13, 17, or 19. Maybe 21 or 23, but no higher than those, and only for really good songs.
But 27? It’s 3 cubed. Or 3 to the power of 3. I like that.
Each year that passes for me is another victory. I am still amazed that I am here, and that I am well. It’s wonderful and exciting. I used to worry about the future and the terrifying uncertainty, but then it occurred to me a few years ago… Why am I worrying?
[Post continued on 6/20/2017]
I had some time to think about this question. A little too much time, but I’ll blame that on my laziness. I could say I have a busy schedule, but honestly, it’s not that difficult to write. Sure, the Inspiration Fairy and Mr. Motivation need to be cooperating and present, but really, and truly… it’s not that difficult to write. Bad me.
So here I am, writing again. It’s one of my days off, and I’m watching Louis C. K.’s newest Netflix special, some of which is funny (the teacher bit, omg) and some of which makes me cringe (what even was that bit on stereotype voices, it was stupid). I spent the last day off making Pokemon and binge-watching Untold Stories of the E.R. It was magical.
I’ve been wanting to use my time more wisely, more productively, more… usefully. I think it goes along with my New Year’s Resolution? In the sense that I want to streamline my life, I guess… If you can’t tell, I’m reaching. Productivity, I’m hoping, will evolve soon.
But back to the question: “Why am I worrying?”
Anxiety is a big struggle with a lot of people, and about half my calls that I take at my job has someone needing help managing anxiety. So… I’m quite knowledgeable in deescalating the debilitating symptoms of anxiety that a person is experiencing in the moment that they call. I’m not claiming that I can help every person, every time; heck no, that’s impossible. I’m certainly not claiming that I have the solution, end-all-be-all cure to anxiety. No. I can only remind a person of their strengths and suggest what may help, encourage the caller that they are already doing great things, and that it is okay to take a moment for themselves, to show kindness that they would normally give to others is okay to also give to themselves, and teach them that self-care is not selfish, but actually healthy and courageous.
Self-care is how I don’t worry anymore. I mean, I worry about some things if I need to, but overall: I no longer have a worry about what other people think of me, what I look like, or what my future is going to be. I work hard, I make educated decisions, and I am thankful for the life I have been given. I struggled getting to this point. I am very aware that I have privilege and not everyone has the opportunities that I had or have, so instead of bringing myself down with this very true fact, I use what opportunities I have to benefit others. I do not have to be at the job I have, but I don’t want to be anywhere else! And, I think, I can commit to this job and be very happy with my decision.
I am lucky, and I got here because I worked HARD. I give myself kindness and I give myself credit with THIS true fact, too.
10 years of college. I volunteered and worked while going to college. I failed, at school, at relationships, and happiness. I spent time sloshing in mud to help others, which paved the way through an extensive domino-ing network, to the job I am so happy at.
Ultimately, my hard work paid off, and my time is not over yet!
So, I don’t worry.
Because I commit to a decision and ADAPT to what comes up, rather than worry about what COULD happen.
There are a lot of what-ifs in the world. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN.
Being in-the–now is the healthiest mindset I have ever entered.
Being 27, is a good age.